Sunday 15 April 2007
Back in the driver's seat
The payoff to indulging in all the forbidden fruits is the morning after. I suppose it's nature's way of preventing excesses, much like alcohol and hangovers. Sure, we can overdo it and enjoy it at the time, but you will pay for it the next day. Right now I feel full, but there is a little part of me that is hungry. It's probably for no other reason than I'm accustomed to eating breakfast after I wake up. And if there's one thing this journey should be teaching me, it's that I should eat when I'm hungry, not because of time cues.

I am heading off to the gym in about half an hour. This is a definate change compared to my old binges, where I would feel rotten and consequently not want to move all day. Inevitably I would end up eating the same crap and the cycle would continue for a few days until I felt sufficient guilt to start exercising again. Now I'm holding myself to much stricter standards - absolutely no excuses. There is not a single reason, short of a broken back, that would hold me back from some form of physical activity - and even then, I'd probably be asking the nurse if there were any small dumbbells lying around...

It's not that I always enjoy exercising. Of course, I certainly don't hate it. I'm working on loving each and every minute, but for the time being it's enough that I have the discipline to go at it every day and I love the way I feel afterwards, like I've accomplished something.

Last night I got my "whoa-nelly, this is enough!" moment and destroyed all the leftovers that I might have wanted to eat today. I had planned on eating junk for two days and then hopping back on, but I got scared that it would stretch into three or more days, and I don't want to backslide that much. Plus I may have just maintained, but another day would certainly mean a gain and I don't want that scale budging in the wrong direction.

So today I'll be fighting the cravings. This just feels wrong. I haven't seriously felt like this, wanting and dreaming of junk food, for months. Serves me right for thinking I had all that behind me! Now I'm calling on every ounce of discipline I have to resist and will probably do so for the next few days, until the memory of the excesses fades and my life is firmly back on the healthy track. But I made it through once and I'll do it again, dammit. Holding myself accountable in print helps as well.

So I hereby solemnly swear, today I will eat good, healthy foods in small portions, only when I am hungry, and I'll sweat out ay negative feelings at the gym. I'm back in the driver's seat, baby!

xx Lizzie 1:10 pm Post a Comment

LIZZIE
One young woman's quest for a healthier lifestyle and looking spunky in skinny jeans. I'm a student living in Sydney, juggling two degrees, a job and making exercise and nutrition a priority. I'm gym bunny in the making and I know that will make the difference in dropping the next 20lbs.

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